It's "D" Week over at ABC Wednesday,
and I'll just be DARNED that I've got to DEFEND my town!
DO you live in a hot spot?
And if you DO, what makes it hot?
I learned from AL.com the other day that one of my sons lives
in one of the hottest spots in the state, while I, on the other hand, DO
not. In fact, my town is DESIGNATED as
one of the least hottest spots, and it’s not talking about climate.
It’s all about quality of life, but hey, my town got lumped
in with the likes of Mountain Brook, which is DEEMED the hottest spot in the state.
The writer compared cities with populations over 20,000 (a population we barely
top), and more than half the places cited as “hottest” are all suburbs of
Birmingham, which by the way, is not so hot!
The rest are suburbs of large metro areas like Huntsville and Mobile…except
for Auburn, home of Auburn University, which in my opinion is a category apart.
So, War Eagle!
I won’t bore you with the stats, but they were retrieved
from places like the Census Bureau, FBI and DEPARTMENT of Public Health. They
measure things such as unemployment, health, crime, taxes, education, access to
arts and cultural events, restaurants, DISTANCE from work, access to DOG parks…
Access to DOG parks?
Seriously? DOG parks
made the quality of life survey?
DO these so-called hot spots not have tree-lined sidewalks DRAPED
with Spanish Moss or big picket-fenced yards or winding riverfront parks where both
people and DOGS are welcome to walk?
Well, Selma has all that!
Now obviously, I cannot DEFEND some of my town’s not-so-hot DESIGNATIONS,
bless its heart! But, I can surely DARE
to DEFEND the categories with biased Yuppie (Young Upwardly Mobile
Professionals) influence, and I consider the inclusion of DOG parks to be biased.
Any such survey has got to consider that Selma is in the
middle of the rural Black Belt prairie, an hour
from metropolitan Montgomery and the interstate, and our DEFINITION of
quality and culture is a whole DIFFERENT software program.
To start with, we live a RUPPIE rather than a YUPPIE
lifestyle.
I wrote about RUPPIES (Rural Under-appreciated People) a long
time ago when I worked DOWNTOWN, and for
a city to make the RUPPIE Top 10 Hot Spots, the survey would have to include
the following:
- Access
to farm-raised catfish grown in America. (Again, Selma ranks No. 1
since we live in the No. 2 county for catfish production in Alabama.) Don’t
tell me tilapia, swai, pangasius or any other foreign import is a better,
cheaper or healthier fish. Just google all the health hazards!
- Access to meat-and-three
restaurants. If you have ever eaten at The DOWNTOWNER, Steak Pit or
Golden Ranch, Selma wins again.
- Access to fishing. Just go to the sandbar across the river or
head to the marina, launch your boat or enter a fishing tournament.
- Commute time to work. About five minutes, unless you live in
the suburb of Orrville or Plantersville, in which case the 15- to 20-mile
trip will take about 10 minutes.
- Stress levels on the main highway. Our main highway is U.S. 80. It is four-lane. It is mostly straight and doesn’t have too many hills.
It has a reasonable speed limit. We don’t have to drive 85 mph to keep
from getting run over. Try driving 60 on the interstates near those “hottest”
cities, especially during rush hour, or hey, just head on over to Highway
280 and see how you like it!
- Local utility fees to pay the urban bankruptcy bill. If you
live anywhere around six of the top 10 hot spots, then your water and
sewer bill just might be as much or more than your power bill each month!
How towns in a county (yes, that would be Jefferson) that is bankrupt ever
made the top 10 is incredible!
- Walkability. Try walking “downtown” Vestavia Hills or even
Alabaster. Then come to Selma and walk our downtown. Here, City Hall, the
library, convention center, courthouse, restaurants, museums, ice cream
shop, coffee shop, newspaper office, lawyers’ offices, drugstores,
riverwalk, Pettus Bridge, churches and jewelry stores are all within
walking distance of each other.
- Patriotism. Few towns are as patriotic as Selma. This place
ranks among the hottest as far as support for our country, and we cried
enough tears to fill the Alabama River when the government came and took
Craig Air Force Base away.
- Housing affordability. I am well aware of the exhorbitant
rental rates in some of the “hottest” cities, but here, rents are
reasonable, and I guarantee you can buy a lot more house that is a lot
better built for a lot lower price.
I could go on and on, but honestly,
I need to get outside and plow my backyard garden. Oh yes, home gardening is
another RUPPIE category, and I’m betting you just might be a YUPPIE living in a
“hot city” IF you don’t grow your own food and preserve it!
